Photo by Kasia on Unsplash
This post marks a return to this blog space after several months hiatus. My life has been abnormally chaotic - my disabled brother took an opportunity to sell his land in Magdalena, New Mexico and move so we could be closer together. The process from moving my brother across the country was truly harrowing and has left me feeling like a formerly abused rag doll left out in the rain. Eventually this transition will line us up for a simpler life, but I feel less sure about the future now than I ever have before.
I have tried to maintain a positive attitude despite the challenges, but this grows increasingly hard to accomplish. I am incredibly anxious about not only my family’s future but that of the country and world. The experience of the election happening in the US is to be constantly plundered by louder-than-the-actual-tv-show-I-was-watching-advertisements and an insane number of posters shoved into my mailbox every day (except Sunday, thank goodness for that). The candidates of both major parties’ squawk about their political opponents but they both support the bombing and exploitation of various peoples across the global south but hey at least the democrats have brought back the “joy.” I joke too much sometimes but I will say that I am genuinely grateful that at least one doubtfully competent extremely old man booted himself from the ticket.
While I experience the inner turmoil of my current personal life and the existential dread from recent world events it’s a good reminder that change is not always a pleasant experience. My internal dialogues are filled with self-doubt, and I now have a strong reluctance to get back into my previous “normal” routines, but I can’t regulate myself, so I really need to either get back into those routines or gulp… try new things. It kinda feels like I’m the passenger seat of a car going 200 miles per hour, the driver has made a sharp right turn, and we’re left with that all-too-familiar-queasy of our innards shifting in opposite directions. We have no control over the situation, my body is torn in innumerable directions, and I have the sneaking suspicion that the driver is dead. I’ve had this sensation for months and I know I’m not alone.
Then the news broke about Peanut the squirrel. If you don’t know Peanut was rescued when they were a baby by this adorable couple who trained Peanut eventually making this squirrel into a viral sensation on TikTok. Peanut and a rescue raccoon were seized last week because of a call someone made to police. Both animals were euthanized. That couple had had Peanut for over seven years.
The lack of empathy involved in this situation while not surprising is still astonishingly cruel. I have been watching severe atrocities half-way across the world on my phone for months without crying but this had me inconsolable, wrapped in my blankets, fetal position with the flood gates well and truly open. Sometimes numbness just needs the right key I suppose.
Not for the first time, I hear stories like this and I wish that someone on the ladder of irreversible decisions had taken a step back and thought about harm reduction here. I understand it may be illegal to hold “wild” animals but if someone would have properly interviewed the owner the vaccination history would have been clarified, the extensive animal training record could have been presented, etc. That doesn’t have to be a raid by a bunch of armed cops but a simple phone call and/or email. It’s a waste of taxpayer dollars. It’s a waste of life. My heart goes out to that couple.
This sort of thing always restarts the argument in my head about good and evil. I get exasperated with this as the concept of “good” and “evil” lacks nuance and is intellectually lazy. I can see there are multiple sides and there are the people just doing their job but someone went out of their way to call the cops on them when no crime had been committed. The lack of nuanced thinking of law enforcement while unsurprisingly is really such a shame. Faith in humanity is abysmally low at this present moment, but I think all these tribulations should give us pause and in our worst moments - gratitude can pull us out from ourselves. It’s when we take time to reflect for what we had that truly shows us the beauty of the human experience. Seven years is actually a long time to spend with a squirrel in retrospect.
“Everything is going to be okay.” I whisper to myself. Breath. Remember that you have a safe place to lay your head at night. Fight. Fight for fairness. Fight for the voiceless. The world is slowly but surely waking up. Breath. We could all slow down if we wanted. Fight. Change is coming.